To avoid the mindrot caused by the constant barrage of banality that spews out of Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse, I have given the review copy to my ten year old psyche. I imagine he may well appreciate it more. Here is the result:
Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse is a bad game because it is a third-person shooter. In this third-person shooter you control either the little baby called Stewie, or the silly dog called Brian. You cannot control both of them at the same time. One must be swapped in for the other. I don’t know why. I am confused about why they made a Family Guy game as a third-person shooter. Because my older psyche is bad he lets me stay up late and watch Family Guy. That’s OK though because it is funny. Especially when Peter hurts himself and says owww lots. I have never seen anyone shoot anyone though. Except maybe Stewie the baby with the silly head once. Or that time where they all shoot each other with pistols for fun. But generally no guns.
Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse is also a bad game because all the enemies are stupid. They just stand in front of me and wait to get shot. All of them. The guns are stupid. Stewie has some fun things. I like the flamethrower. Brian’s guns are boring. I never use him. The controls are stupid. Sometimes the game wants me to jump to hard places, like a platform game, but I find it really hard to jump well. The things you pick up are stupid. I think they are meant to be related to the show in some ways. I picked up a golden egg and then threw it at an enemy. It turned into that chicken in the show who always gets into fights with Peter. I laughed. Then I found another one. The next time was not so funny.
Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse is also a bad game because even though I laugh at the show, most of the bits in this game are the rubbish bits. I keep running into Meg and people saying bad things to her. I also ran into Lois the mom. She says things like ‘Any of you boys ever finish on a C-section scar?’ I don’t know what that means. I like the bits in the show where they say ‘Like that time...’ and something funny happens. That doesn’t happen here.
Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse is also a bad game because the plot is poopy. I once watched an episode of the show where Stewie and Brian travel around to various dimensions. Brian was happy when they found a dimension with dogs keeping humans as pets. I found that episode funny. I think this game is supposed to be related to that. The names are similar. There was a little baby called Bertram in one episode, Stewie stopped him from being born. He is back in this one because he comes from another dimension where he was born. He wants to make an army to destroy Stewie’s universe. Stewie and Brian must stop him. The places they go to in this game are boring. Frat world? Amish world? Disabled world? I didn’t find them funny. I found it a little mean. The show is mean too though so I expected as much.
Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse is also a bad game because it makes me sit and wait for it to load for ages. It just has Stewie and Brian floating on the screen for ages. It is boring. When it does load it is slightly less boring.
Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse is also a bad game because like other games I play, the characters you control can get better - they level up - but in this game you just spend money you find to level up or buy other guns. It is a bit stupid. Anyway, the game is so stupid and easy that I did not need to level up.
Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse is also a bad game because Stewie and Brian look worse in 3D than the show. At least the voices seem to be made by the same people who make the voices in the show. That is a good thing. The music sometimes reminds me of the show too. I like the Family Guy music.
Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse is also a bad game because no-one wants to play it with me. I want my friends to play the four player local play with me. There is a deathmatch mode and a horde mode and a capture the flag mode and a challenge mode. In these modes I can be other characters from the show like Peter or Chris. For some stupid reason there is no way I can play with people online. I have lots of online friends.
In conclusion Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse is a really bad game. It is not the worst game though because some games I play do not work sometimes or are even more stupid. Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse is at least a game that I can play and shoot things, and maybe laugh at something that reminds me of the show. But the shooting is really bad. The multiplayer is also not so bad. But I would much rather watch the show. Or play something else.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid... with guns.